Thursday
Jun142012

The School of Hard Knoxville

Knoxville, Tennessee! We battled the winding roads of the Blue Ridge Mountains to get to our second tour city, and boy was it worth the ride. 

Our host, the inimitable Matt Ward, fed us delicious pasta with meat sauce and distracted us with his adorable baby as we piled out of the Corolla just an hour before show time. We arrived at the venue -- the gorgeous Preservation Pub -- with plenty of time to check out the roof deck before the show.

And that's when we saw it:

The SUNSPHERE!

At that moment, we knew we were in for an amazing night.

The show opened with Matt Ward bringing the crowd together, then we each took the stage, getting lots of positive energy from the room. They sure do love the Pink Collar Comedy Tour in Knoxville. Applause breaks galore. We even got a standing ovation at the end of the night, along with the offer for three free draft beers apiece from the bar! (We each had, um, less than one.)

We then followed some local comics to an open mic comedy show at a gay bar in a strip mall. That last sentence is definitely the best and truest of all possible sentences, and it fills me with such fact-based glee that I will now type it over again: We then followed some local comics to an open mic comedy show at a gay bar in a strip mall.

Don't believe me?

This particular strip mall gay bar is called eXile [sic], and it's next to a nail salon and not too far from a Chick-Fil-A [sic]. In case you get confused, you can tell the gay bar from the Chick-Fil-A because the gay bar is open on Sundays. We had a fabulous time at the comedy show, met some fantastic local comedians, burlesque performers, and homosexuals, and got offered three free drinks apiece for being famous touring comedians from New York City! (We each had, um, less than one. Again. But that did bring our free drink offer total for the night to TWENTY-FOUR. Yowza. Instead of changing our name to the Black Out Collar Comedy Tour, we decided to restrain ourselves.)

At the end of the night, we left marveling at the wonders we had witnessed, particularly this strip mall gay bar thing that I can't remember if I've mentioned yet. eXile is a fine name for such an establishment, I suppose. But, just in case you want to open your own gay bar in a strip mall that looks exactly like the place I took driver's ed as a cranky teen in Plano, Texas, please allow the Pink Collar Comedy Tour to help brand this future venture.

Excellent Potential Names for a Gay Bar in a Strip Mall:

Mattress Depot
TGI Penis
Michael's

Jason's Deli
Panda Express
(that one's for bears*)
SuperCuts?!? Bitch, Please!
and finally, Carrie's brilliant moniker:
Chik-Fil-Gay

You're welcome, strip mall gay bar entrepreneurs of the future. Don't even mention it.

*a bear is a kind of animal

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